solidcat

As you may be awarre, christmas is approaching and I've heard rumours that the goose is getting fat.

Well of course this is intollerable! If anybodys getting fat it should be ME. I want all geese rounded up, beaten up a bit so they can't put up a fight and brought to my lair immediatly. And any other food you may have been hoarding should also be included.

Bloody sensorship.

The new palace with the extra slaves is a HUGE improvement on the last one. I get fed on the hour now as each of the slaves is most awake at diffenent points of the day.

Plus they all seem to understand how fantastic and superior I am. Which is of course as things should be. draxil is the only exception to this, but since I got him stiched up with a full time job he's generally out or too tired for excerising his pitifull attempts at persecution, although it is still amusing to occasionally flay the skin from his hands to remind the other monkeys that claws are better than opposable thumbs any day.

With all the food I am getting I think that soon I will be able to complete my growth cycle so that I am big enough to eat the more troublesome monkeys or at least swat them as I do with the mice.

Yes.. After the small setbacks of recent years I think I should soon be able to reconquor the small pockets of resistance and rule the world as I see fit.

But first I am going to have a nap.

Bloody annoying.

Sod this I am going out. Hopefully it'll have gone to sleep by the time I get back.

If only I were ten times my size, then I'd show him.. Pictures, pah! I mean feeding the cat or taking pictures of the cat.. Which do you consider more important??

Why can't humans be more like mice?

Obviously I don't want humans to be *exactly* like mice, imagine ruling over that many mice? The squeaking would be unbearable. But still I think humans have a lot to learn from mice.

At the very least humans should be one tenth of my size. Then we would see who was boss.. Mind you I am the boss anyway. But still, that's my new project, make humans one tenth of my size... So I need to shrink all the humans... Or, I could grow to ultra-giant-cat mode. Hmmmm....

Well. I am now 2 years old. Did anyone remember my birthday?! Did they hairballs.

Still, my world domination plans are progressing well. My pawn, the monkey king, seems to be doing well in securing me the middle east. A cat of my choosing is as we speak being airlifted to the Gulf, to form the new government. Answerable to my capital in Manchester of course.

I fear the humans are considering moving again. I really shouldn't indulge them in their little interests. I should have had them death squaded ages ago really. But, well it's so much effort. Perhaps it's time to get replacements though.. I'll send the order, later. I am very sleepy. I have been away for at least an hour.. Yawn. Yes, after the nap. Although I need them to open the tin of food.. Tomorrow then?

I have declared a truce in my eternal war with the so called ginger cat. I predict this truce will only last until I next feel like biting him, but still it allows us a chance to concentrate on the real enemy, the humans.

gingercat seems oblivious to my impending status. The streetcat barbarian seems more interested in stealing my food and is under the bizarre impression that he should dominate my flat mearly because he is still capable of reproducing!

Still, when this truce has served it's purpouse ginger cat will feel these claws, and he will know that it is I aZrael who encompases his dooom!

draxil has just earned his place back at the top of the list... I tell you I am seriously considering blowing some of my world domination fund on having his assassinated! This morning not only did he regard his need to stay in bed as more important than my need for food, he then got up put some music on and MADE ME DANCE!! They allllllll know how much I hate being made to dance and they STILL do it!! Whats is this? Am I some kind of comedy figure to them?!?!? Still they will all pay when I rule the world I will do than make them dance!!! I will lock them out all night and totally refuse to fit a human flap. I will forget to feed them and I will leave their litter tray to become a feted pit of filth, and THEN, THEN I WILL MAKE THEM DANCE!!! BASTARDS BASTARDS BASTARDS! THE WORLD SHALL SOON ME IN MY CLAW!! VICTORY SHALL YET BE MINE AND THEN WE WILL SEE WHO IS FUCKING DANCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Behold it is I Azrel, lord of the night, and ruler of the earth(in training). Now my proclamations shall bear my image so you know who to give all the cheese and fish to when you see me.

THAT BASTARD!! I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!
THE FOOL wrapped ME in a towl and two of them held me down whilst they put GUNK in my ears . AND they sloshed it all around with a swab, FUCKERS.
But never mind THEY WILL PAY WITH THEIR LIVES!! ANd they will KNOW that it is I AZRAEL THAT ENCOMPASSES THEIR DOOOOOOOOOOM!